Today, I came to know about the emotion of being left out…
Peeking behind the scenes might tell you that my class group of three – Pallavi, Durba and me had been mailing the
professors of reputed institutes like IIT’s and NIT’s all over the country so as to get an intern during the summers this
year. Because that way we would be utilizing our time on some project and would be gaining some practical exposure to
research and development field as well.
Our efforts were ON and we were hardly getting any positive replies from any of the professors. Actually, I never got a
reply from any of the professor regarding the same. Girls used to tell me that all the responses were negative, some
professor was out of station this summer or the other won’t be able to take any more students. In short, there was no hope
for any of us.
But one day, Pallavi got a mail from a professor at IIT Kharagpur asking for her Curriculum Vitae. And few days later, she
received a mail from the same professor that she was selected for the summer internship at IIT Kharagpur. That meant a lot
to her, I could make out from her face. And me, I was equally happy for her. There was a small portion of my brain telling
me that I hadn’t got anything yet. But the feeling was not important for me. After all, it was my best friend who would be
going out to Kharagpur.
After that, Durba and I kept trying mailing the professors. Durba was a little low that she didn’t get it, but it was ok.
She was happy for Pallavi too. Plus, I gave her a long lecture on why she should be happy and keep looking forward for the
intern as the year hadn’t ended then.
And today, she got reply from a professor at the same insti. Pallavi and I were discussing something about our coming
semester exams when I dont know why and what struck my head that I asked her about her research topic for the intern. She
told that the topics were to be alloted during the intern only to which I gently replied a plain “Hmmm.”
But her next message caught me still. She was telling that Durba had also got the intern at the same college. For a moment
, I was happy that she got the intern but this time, I wasn’t able to suppress my brain telling me that I was the “only
one left!!!” I couldn’t say anything about it. I simply disconnected the chat as I was not well aware of the things that
were happening around me.
Brain is an idiot. It simply keeps you reminding that you have failed in your efforts and maybe there is not much left to
do now. I tried concentrating on the lecture video but all in vain. The video kept on playing for about half an hour or so
but all that was ringing in my ears were the voices telling me you have failed. You are gonna go home and sit like an
idiot wasting your time while your friends are gonna make out something useful of the same time. Why is it so?? What you
don’t want to think, your brain keeps a total track of that and serves a giant pain in the ass then.
A batch mate came to my room to ask me some questions about the subjects but all I could think was that I had failed badly.
I just kept nodding to whatever he said without even giving a concern to him. Immediately after he left, call from Pallavi
came. I simply put the phone on silent mode and kept avoiding all the calls from then. She guessed what was wrong with me.
After a few minutes, Durba was calling me and I did the same thing.
I don’t know why this happens to me. It’s not like I’m very bad at studies or something. I got a 9 point on my CGPA even
then, no professor gave a damn to reply to me even once. What is it that they want?? I’m ready to work hard, very hard but
still, I don’t get a thing out of my efforts ever.
It is not that I’m not happy for my friends, but I’m sad for myself that I didn’t get anything… 😦